"I don't know where my next meal is going to come from. The worst part about it is that don't have a family to fall back on. But, the Lord is providing."
I watched her as tears of fear flooded her face. As she talked about her "family" and their lack of support, I heard the doubt in her voice. Her mom is clearly not a believer and it shows in her fruit production. In the following ten or fifteen minutes, myself and Emily listened to her pour out her worry and concern for her own well-being, yet it was always followed with statements like, "... but I know the Lord is teaching me through this," and "He is going to pull me out of it, I know He is because He is faithful." Some may argue that if she had true faith, those statements would trump her worry. To those people, I would say, "Let me know when you get where she is." We can talk all day and night about our own faith and what we would do if we were her or someone like her, and when we are done, we will walk to our refrigerator and choose from an array of snacks.
It broke me when she said that. The thing about the family. Sure, I have bounced a check or two (or fifteen) in my time, and as a college student, there were nights that I ate cereal when I preferred Long Horn's. "I can't... I'm so broke," seemed to be a popular response during those days, YET I have NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE to not have Mom and Dad there at the the end of the day. NO IDEA. So to watch my sister-in-Christ stand before me with so much uncertainty, so much fear, and tears streaming down - uncontrollably at times - it broke me. Through those few moments and the events to come, God taught me so many life lessons... in one night.
Immediately, scripture from the sermon I'd just heard consumed my thoughts. The third chapter of First John.
I watched her as tears of fear flooded her face. As she talked about her "family" and their lack of support, I heard the doubt in her voice. Her mom is clearly not a believer and it shows in her fruit production. In the following ten or fifteen minutes, myself and Emily listened to her pour out her worry and concern for her own well-being, yet it was always followed with statements like, "... but I know the Lord is teaching me through this," and "He is going to pull me out of it, I know He is because He is faithful." Some may argue that if she had true faith, those statements would trump her worry. To those people, I would say, "Let me know when you get where she is." We can talk all day and night about our own faith and what we would do if we were her or someone like her, and when we are done, we will walk to our refrigerator and choose from an array of snacks.
It broke me when she said that. The thing about the family. Sure, I have bounced a check or two (or fifteen) in my time, and as a college student, there were nights that I ate cereal when I preferred Long Horn's. "I can't... I'm so broke," seemed to be a popular response during those days, YET I have NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE to not have Mom and Dad there at the the end of the day. NO IDEA. So to watch my sister-in-Christ stand before me with so much uncertainty, so much fear, and tears streaming down - uncontrollably at times - it broke me. Through those few moments and the events to come, God taught me so many life lessons... in one night.
Immediately, scripture from the sermon I'd just heard consumed my thoughts. The third chapter of First John.
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:17-20Apart from my friend and her situation, I had my own questions. Questions that I may have asked before but never gave much thought to, so those were old questions. But there were new questions, new curiosity, new revelations ... and I did not like them very much. My thoughts started like this:
Why is her story so different from mine?
Why do I get a family and a meal and college degree and a job ... but she don't?
Why do I even get to live in this country for that matter?
Why do I get life ... when others lose it so young .. ?
I want to leave. I want to leave and serve a country who has more need than I can ever imagine. I want to leave this room, I want to leave this building, I want to leave this conversation because I don't think my heart can take anymore of these thoughts.
Then they turned to this:
Oh, my child. You want to leave this conversation and this room and this building and go where? To another country with more need than you can image? Look at the need I've put before you. Look at the people with whom I have surrounded you. You can't wait to leave and serve and the reason you aren't serving is because you are in America but LOOK. AROUND. YOU. You think you can't serve here? This girl?
You see, in the few seconds that all these thoughts took over, the Lord put people on my mind as if it were a picture slide show in my head. That family member who may or may not be a believer. That co-worker. That friend. Their pictures were there and our sovereign God whispered, "Serve here." Did that change my desire to go to all the nations? Absolutely not. Did it change my longing for children in Peru and people in the jungles of Ecuador? Absolutely not. Do I still want to go and am I still going to go? Absolutely. But I learned a very important lesson that night - one that I thought I already knew.
We are here to serve our God. We are here to exalt Him and glorify Him in ALL that we do. ("So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31) I can do that when I go to the ends of the earth, and I can do that here. Right here in the United States of America. I can serve and love - and that is all that is required of me. A God, big enough to create you and me and everything we can see and can't see - A God, big enough to divinely appoint all my "happenings" - A God, big enough to sacrifice His Son to die and pay a debt that I could not pay .... requires me to love and serve.
Through the Holy Spirit, and only through Him, I think I can handle that. Yeah, I can love and serve. :)
hey ashli,
ReplyDeleteFirst, thanks for blogging your heart!
You have seen the wrong done to me, O Lord;
judge my cause. Lam 3:59 ( the whole chapter rocks and your friend can lament to GOD!)
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; Luke 6:37 ( I totally agree with you, we all complain but when we seek GOD and "fight for HIS joy" in horrible circumstances, He forgives and our fellow Christians need to pray for us!)
And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21 ( Last but NOT least we will all suffer here bc this is NOT our home, praising HIM in the rain is only done by HIM living in us, NOT humanly possible).
AMEN sister!