USM Homecoming 2011

In the football game (and we only stayed for the first half) we made three trips to the bathroom, one trip to the concession stand, and a big ole mess of nachos, cokes, and roasted peanut hulls. Miekayla and Azah begged to come back to another game. Brian just kept shouting "football" and "go! Go! Go!" the whole time. While Dee did everything in his 4-year-old power to drive KK, Emily, and me to insanity. Overall, it was a fantastic day. I learned that I'm not ready to be a mom, KK learned how to help a 2-year-old use a big boy potty, and most of us learned to love despite the circumstances. 

Azah, Meikayla, Dee, and Brian (front)

Sweet Meikayla is a HUGE help with the little ones!!

 She is BEAUTIFUL.

He is a little bit obsessed with football :) 

I love my sweet babies! (Even Dee, haha!!)

Thanks for all your help, Miss Erin!! 

When KK took the girls to the concession stand, Brian cried. He loves his KK!!

Monster child, but we love him anyway! :)

Pretty girl :)

This is his 'tough football' face!

Brian and Luke!

Me and my girls!!

This is this last picture of the night.... there is so much going on here but that's why I love it. It perfectly epitomizes the day/night. Love these youngins!

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." -Henry Ward Beecher

"I Have Gone Before You..."

Without going into unnecessary details, which I'm very talented at, here are the essentials:

- I love everything about flying, except the actual flying part. I love taking off and landing and I adore the hustle and bustle and chaos of airports. But I dread flying. I find it boring and scary and I LOATHE turbulence. Every time that I fly, which isn't often, I pray constantly. I ask to sit by the window because I like the idea of somehow flying closer to the angels flying along side my plane. Silly, I know... but whatever gets you through a flight, right? Friday, I found out that I do, in fact, travel alone to Costa Rica. However, before having time to worry about that, God reminded me of Psalm 16:8. "I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me." So when I drive to the airport, when all four of my flights take off and when all four of them land, the many hours I am in the air, and the drive home from the airport - He will be with me. If I sit in the aisle, He is with me. If I sit by the window, He is with me. If I am squeezed between two people who snore, He is with me. If my plane goes down and I never make it to Costa Rica, He will be with me. (Don't tell my dad I just said that.) Nothing happens on His watch that He doesn't know about - and time and everything past it is on His watch. He created me and promised to be with me, always. 

- So when I make it to Costa Rica .... what next? Oh yeah, I'm there to share the Gospel. How? When? With who? What does it even look like? What if the people I talk to aren't receptive? What if no one listens to me? What if I don't know the right words and, heaven forbid, The Spirit doesn't draw the person I'm witnessing to? I become overwhelmed with these thoughts and begin to feel insignificant for the Kingdom. Not for long, though. He won't allow it. To Deuteronomy 31:8 He sends me.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." 

And John 14:16-17 "I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth." 

Wow. The Lord has personally gone before me. He has personally gone to the Costa Ricans and prepared the way for my team to go there. He has personally began to prepare their hearts for His truth. And He has personally chosen me, and the others on my team, individually to speak that truth into their lives. Man, He is an amazing God. AND, the Holy Spirit is going to lead me into that truth. He is going to guide my steps there- and He will never leave me as well. Oh Father, I am so unworthy. Direct Your servant, oh God. I desire to please You. 

I had a Skype meeting today with my team leaders and members. What sweet joy to hear the voices of the people God is sending me out with. Fellow laborers. Right off the bat, a girl named Mandy messaged me about the trip. Come to find out, she is my age and we share a lot of the same challenges. She is traveling "alone" as well and she is also a little worried about her support coming through. As we talked about our lack of funding so far, I could feel the anxiety begin to fester in my stomach. "You can't do this, Ashli. If you're going to trust God (and you don't have a choice there) then you have to trust Him with everything," I reminded myself, "and that includes funding." Mandy and I chatted for a while and it was a great relief to talk to someone in the same boat as me. God's sovereignty never ceases to astonish me. In efforts to serve Him, I decided to go on this trip, despite the circumstances. And He honored that by meeting my needs before I ever even knew I had them. I'm so undeserving, but He doesn't care. He still loves me. He still blesses me. He still gives me a little more of Him everyday.  

Father let me remember that You have gone before me, in every circumstance. Particularly this one. Let me find joy in serving the natives for Your glory and give me the strength to keep serving when it doesn't feel joyful. Put away my anxious thoughts and allow me trust fully in Your name. Amen.

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So at the end of every day, I CANNOT wait to go. I cannot wait to be there and love on the children. I cannot wait to plant churches and sing praises. I cannot wait to share God's Word with people who have never heard His name. I cannot wait to experience the unending power of our King. I cannot wait to evangelize, disciple, serve, and share....  and do it for the glory of the One who created it all.

click this link!!! ----->  www.e3partners.org/ashliblackwell

What Are You Running Away From?

When you start talking about missions, particularly foreign ones, people flood with questions. Some of them worth considering, but others I wish I had never heard. It's like I would almost rather not tell anyone what I want to do so that they can't "warn" me of the things to come. Like I would almost rather experience things as they come... ya know, cross that bridge when I get there. The biggest thing is doubt. I mean, I have enough of my own to deal with. But others... others, not knowingly, transfer their doubt onto me.

"Be sure that you aren't running from something." 

"Are you afraid to stay here?"

"Are you afraid of facing things here?"

"Are you running from your fears?"

Am I running from my fears? Are you kidding?  What do I have to fear here? Not getting the job I wanted? Trying to lead a Bible study session without being prepared? Not being able to pay rent? Give me a break. Everyone has different fears and to that person they are very real, almost tangible, fears. For some it's spiders, for others it's death and for others it's uncertainty of the future. I suppose mine change from season to season. Right now though, it's safe to say that my biggest fear is doing things alone. From little things like going to Wal-Mart, to big things like leaving the country.

In preparing for Costa Rica, I tried everything in my might to find someone, ANYone, to go on this trip. Someone I already know. God shut every single one of those doors. Everyone had a reason not to go. Valid or not, it's not for me to say... but everyone had a reason and at first I didn't understand why. Until yesterday, I thought everyone was just "busy" or "not ready to answer the call" - as if I am more ready than anyone else. Psh... yeah right. I knew I was supposed to go... God was very clear about that. But the reality I was about to face was the scary part. "You have to do this with Me, and only Me."

Has God ever been so very clear about a path for you? And while you're thankful for His clarity, it's not the path that YOU wanted to take? I think that if He hadn't been so affirmative, I could casually pass it off and chalk it up to another idea that just "didn't fall together." Another trip that just "happened to not work out." But nooooo... God had to go and be super super super evident. "I want you to go and I want you to stop looking for someone to go with you. You have to do this. For Me and for yourself... oh, and fear not, for I am always with you."

Upon sending in final paperwork, the doubt flooded in. "Your parents aren't going to be ok with this. None of your friends are going. Are you even spiritually equipped for this? You'll probably get sick over there like last time. You're going alone, you know that right? You don't know anyone. You will probably have to fly alone. None of your team will even like you."

So what about the money? "This is a really expensive trip and you only have a month and 8 days to raise all that money." Really, satan? Thanks for reminding me, as if I didn't already know that. "If you don't raise this money they are going to take it out of your checking account... whether you have it or not." Yes, satan, I know that... thanks.

So to answer your question: No, I'm not running from my fears - I'm running into them. The amazing thing about our God? He fights for me. And when He said that His peace would surpass my understanding, He. was. serious.

In Your Presence...

The theme at Catalyst this year was "Be Present." How fitting for my life right now, and my A.D.D. mind always. It's really very difficult for me to "be present" in conversations, although I try hard. I like to think that I'm just very aware of my surroundings, but that would be an excuse :) I suppose I'm that way with God as well. With half-hearted prayers, half-hearted devotion, and half-hearted attention ... I call myself a follower. It's then that I realize, He is never absent. He is never late... He is never early... He never calls to reschedule... His mind never wanders... His devotion to me is never distracted. He is always present. And His presence is quite frankly the only presence that matters. This truth has impeccable timing because right now what I need, the only thing I need, is His presence.

Cool story from Catalyst:

While standing in line to get in, we started talking to people around us. Cause that's what you do when you are in line for hours. Some girls from our group start talking to a girl named Caley who was there alone.
I met her, but that was it. However, while running through the doors to find a seat, we somehow ended up next to each other and started talking about life. Then it happened... she said it... "the mission trip I just got home from..." That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship :) She began to tell me about something called "World Race" where you go to 11 countries in 11 months. "Wow, that's amazing," I thought. As she told me more, I fell in love with the idea. Shortly after, I met a guy named Brandon who was to leave the following morning to launch his race. As I type this he is in Guatemala for what I can only imagine to be a life-changing experience. (You can support him OR follow his blog at brandonboyd.worldrace.org - and I would encourage you to do so.) While talking to him, I found out he had no where to stay that night NOR a ride to the airport the next morning to catch his flight and start his launch. I believe in divine appointments and this was certainly one of them.

We offered him to stay with the guys in our group that night and a ride to the airport the next morning. I guess I felt a little fear throughout the whole day because I had not actually asked the guys about this. I just sort of offered without thinking first. I tend to get myself into trouble doing that sometimes but I can't exactly help it. There was a person standing in front of me who was about to launch an experience of a lifetime, following the Lord's call, and here he was in need. God was giving me the chance to be a very small part of Brandon's race and I couldn't help but say "Yes! Let us help you." Everything worked out and we got to the hotel that night for him to stay. I walked to the lobby to ask for the number to a local taxi company and when I told the front desk associate that my friend needed a ride to the airport, he told me that it was going to be about a $70 taxi ride. "Ok, figure this out Ashli. I promised Brandon a ride. It's ok, I have money in savings. He needs a ride. I can do $70. Ok, no big deal, let's do this." Maybe my face was showing evidence of the conversation happening in my head because the front desk associate said, "Unless you want to buy him a train ticket." He explained that I could buy Brandon a $10 cab ride to the train station, then a $2 train ticket that would take him straight into the airport. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, GOD? Like, really? THEN... turns out, before I could even give him money, two guys from our group had already done so. Crazy...

Myself, Brandon, and Jillian - at the hotel

We went to bed that night agreeing that we would meet in the lobby at 5:15am to pray before he left at 5:30am. And so we did. Time after time God showed up in the last 36 hours and provided for His faithful servant. It would take 18 more paragraphs to tell you everything. That day at Catalyst was exciting and humbling and everything in between. Caley and I talked more about the race and everything she said made me want to do it more. And every thought was followed with a fear. Who knows if God will send me on a race... who knows where God will send me period?

Regardless, He has already sent me. For now, until He says otherwise, Hattiesburg remains my mission field, and so I will make it just that. 

Be My Laborer...

Yesterday I had a date with God. Now before you freak out and tell me how theologically wrong it is to even think I could have a date with God, hear me out.  Six others and myself went to a local State Park. Katie, Nick, Josh, Chelsey, Alicia, Erin and me. We met at the chapel and for an hour Nick talked to us about meeting people where they are and loving them well. In Matthew 9, Jesus tells His disciples that the harvest is plenty but the laborers are few. "Notice Jesus didn't say 'the mega-church pastors are few' or 'the nursery workers are few,' " Nick said. "While mega-church pastors and nursery servants are important, Jesus said the laborers are few. Laborers. ANY Christian can be a laborer," he finished.

After that hour together, we split up - each one of us finding 7 different remote places. Secluded from the world, no cell phone or other distractions. For most of us, not even a watch. Just my Bible, my Ipod, journal, God and me. Oh, and a bottle of water. If I tried to describe the time I spent with Him, I wouldn't do it justice. All I can really say is that it was quite possibly the best thing I have ever done. To be in seclusion with God, no distractions. Even if the world wanted to call me, I wouldn't know... I didn't care. I read and prayed and sang and danced and praised and read and prayed and worshiped and danced and laid still and walked and sang and prayed and six hours later I felt He was very pleased. I went into a date with God expecting to receive answers to questions I have, revelations and visions for what He wants me to do. But instead, HE got my undistracted devotion to Him. Instead of the things I anticipated, I just spent time with my Father. I felt as though He was saying, "Ashli I don't want to answer all your questions today. I don't want to talk about your future. I don't want to talk about that mission trip or that job opportunity or that family. I just want to love on you today." And so He did. And at the end of the day, I felt Him say, "I am pleased." I left there very full.

This morning I woke up to the women in the apartment above me yelling at her husband. I have to admit I was not surprised because this is something that happens often - at any given hour of the day or night. You never really know when to expect it. She has two kids and three dogs and a husband who breaks in through the balcony door (which means he climbs up on ours) and nothing that happens up there is with an "inside voice." You can probably guess ... this morning, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I talked to my roommates and Katie about her. "I'm calling the cops, this is ridiculous. I can't even sleep," I said. "This  happens too much!" another of my roommates said. "Someone told me she is trashy," added the last roommate. Almost at once, everyone left to go on about their daily routines and I got dressed and ready for work in my bathroom.

I need to tell you that I never get ready without music. If my computer is dead, I use Pandora on my phone. Music is a huge part of my life. I turn on music for everything: to read, to study, to shower, to do makeup... anything. This morning, it would only make sense for me to turn on the music and drown out the hell that was breaking loose above me. But I didn't. Not purposely, I just forgot. So everyone has left, there's no music, and I'm getting ready in my bathroom, and I can't stop thinking about the woman above me and how angry I am at her. I'm even angrier with her husband for making her yell.

"He probably isn't even doing anything. She is probably just a psycho wife. Or maybe he is the psycho and her yelling is only the result of it. Or maybe they are both psycho. Either way, they need to move out. They need to stop yelling and slamming doors. They need to be arrested or kicked out or something. Everyone obviously knows they are trashy. Why do they still live here?" --- My thoughts came to a halt.

"Everyone around you, and even you, thinks she is trashy. No one around you, not even you, cares about her. You think she isn't worthy to live above you. Change. Change right now. Change your thoughts about her. I love her. You think she has no value. I gave her value. Tell her that."

"But God, she yells!! She annoys me! She wakes me up!"

"If you don't show her My love, who will?

"GOD! She is loud!!"

"No one would ever expect you to love her. By the world's standards you have every right to call the police, to bang on the ceiling, to have her evicted. By who's standards are you living? Love her. Be My laborer. Tell her I value her. Love her."

"I guess you want me to love her, huh?"

"Good girl. I will guide you. Do as I say. Follow me."

Ya see, I cannot love her. Ashli does not want to love. But Jesus, living inside of me, wants to love her. He wants her to know her value in His eyes. He wants her to feel love, real love. And He chose me to show it to her? Wow.

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.” John 14:26-27