Directions, please?

I haven't seen the kids in a solid week. Not played with them, heard them, watched them, or smelt them. Playing with them reminds me of what simple happiness is. Hearing their laughter will put any negative mood to death. Watching them makes me grateful for what I have. Smelling them is bittersweet; it breaks my heart, but it's them. It's how they smell. It's their smell. I get to see them tomorrow and I might explode if it don't come fast enough.

Is this really my mission field? I ask Him all the time. WHY?? I thought I would be called to Lima or San Jose or Johannesburg. Somewhere with real mission opportunities, as if they don't exist here. I ask Him all the time, "GOD!! I'm begging You for direction. Show me where I'm supposed to be. I'm wide open, Father. My life is Yours, send me! Pick me! I will go!! I will spread Your Good News to all the nations." And in the middle of what I think is His silence, there is a small voice saying, "You're here. It's right here." I can't decide if that voice is small because I surpress it to that size, or because it's just that still. I don't want it to be here. Why would I be passionate about foreign missions if my mission field isn't foreign at all? Why would God waste such a desire, only to keep me here?

Rest. Wait. Serve. Worship. Pray. Love. Experience. Rest.

I would like to tell you that I have sought long and hard over this, and come to some type of conclusion. Well, the seeking part is accurate... but the conclusion part, not so much.

Won't you pray this with me? I wake up everyday and beg God to show me direction for that day. I beg for opportunities to love because that makes for opportunities to share Him. I beg FOR love because I know I am not capable of loving the people He is going to be put in front of me. I beg for a humble attitude and a pride-less heart. Won't you intercede for me and petition the Lord to send me in His ways.

And would you pray this for yourself? Would you wake up tomorrow, or even stop right now, and pray. Really, pray - beg the Holy Spirit tot take you over today. Beg for direction and a chance to share His love with someone really unloveable. May we not become legalistic in our "obedience" to our Father, but instead surrendered. 


Amen.

1 John 4:19

Tonight we are staying at my parent's house - we'll see how that goes...

(Flashback)
I felt my head swell as he described the excitement on the girl's face when they got to school this morning. It got worse when the guidance counselor came in and referred to me as "spoiling kids around here." It must be the way parents feel when they buy their kids a new outfit or their first car. A sense of pride, perhaps - but mostly just a joyful heart. Coach B said the girls ran straight in and told everyone about their trip to Wal-Mart yesterday. It was, apparently, the highlight of their month. Before I could process another thought, I heard Him loud and clear - "You love them because I first loved you."

It was all He had to say. I knew what He was getting at. No matter the situation, He always seems to find a way to point out my insufficiencies and His might. But He is God, so I'm okay with that. I'll be honest- today has been an adventure. I'm going to post more pictures and in them, the kids look very calm and their playing appears structured.

The kids, and their games, and their attitudes, however- are not. Not calm or structured. It started when we left Mary's house. Myself, Erin, Meikayla, Asia, Brian, and the newest member to the clan - Dee. All 6 of us packed in my car like sardines. Immediately Meikayla was sad because Asia had her Justin Beiber card.  (Daniel bought Meikayla a Justin Beiber doll for her birthday, which is today. I have the best friends in the world.) Brian was trying his best to fall asleep in his carseat while Dee and Asia told us stories about how their Daddy went to jail. They're 2, 4, 5, and 8 years old and the memories they share will break your heart.


On the way home, to my parent's, Asia cried every time we passed a deer or a creek or a field of cows and she didn't get to see it our her window. Well, cried is an understatement. Meikayla told me stories about the girl next door trying to fight them. "I will always stick up for my sister, even if she IS a mean girl," she said. Asia is far from mean, but I remember what it was like growing up the big sister. The second we pulled up at the house, it was as if they all ate 3 energy pills.  I have never seen a child so wild and destructive as I did when Dee got inside and began playing with toys. There was no containing him.

After about an hour it was time to eat which was a surprisingly easy process. We even sang happy birthday to Meikayla and put a candle in her hamburger :) She made a wish...

Bath time was soon to come and much to my surprise again, it was the highlight of the night. "Do we get to bathe tonight," asked Dee, as he jumped up and down at the thought of a potential bath. "Absolutely... with BUBBLES!!" I said, and he ran straight for the bath tub. The boys first, then the girls.

Now it's bed time. Praise Jesus!! I can put them to bed, clean up their toys, write this blog and perhaps get some sleep myself.... so I thought. 1 hour after bedtime, I'm still fighting with kids about who is going to sleep where. We started with the boys on a mattress on the floor, Meikayla in a mushroom chair (per her request) and Asia and I in the bed. YAY! Lucky me... only one child in the bed tonight... so I thought.

Dee wanted in the bed, so Brian was on the floor, Miekayla in the mushroom chair, and Asia, Dee, and myself in the bed. Ok, maybe only two kids in the bed tonight... so I thought.

Miekayla decided she wanted to watch the computer as I typed and therefore needed on the bed. Which left the mushroom chair open - Dee happily took her place. So that left Miekayla, Asia, and myself on the bed - Dee in the chair - and Brian on the floor. Great, still only two kids on the bed. So I thought, until I felt a little body pull the covers off me from the foot of the bed. Brian, you little rat! He wasn't trying to make us cold, he just wanted on the bed.

So NOW- as I lay here and type this, Asia is putting my right arm to sleep with her head resting on it, Meikayla is laying next to her trying to decide if she likes the cartoon I put on TV for them, and Brian is laying in the small spaces between Miekayla and Asia's legs. Dee, of course, is still in the mushroom chair not even considering closing his eyes at this point. As long as he stays there, I am fine - for he is a hand full. 4 hands full.

I have arthritis in my spine, spurs on my vertebrae, and minor scoliosis. I have to take 8 joint vitamins a day and I'm 24 years old. Sleep is very important to me. Comfortable sleep is very important to me. It could mean a pain free day tomorrow, but it's not likely. Why am I saying this? Because when I look at those dark brown eyes staring at me, all 8 of them expecting to sleep next to me, my desire for comfort is suddenly non-existent. Its then that I don't understand where my selfish desires went. Ashli is selfish when it comes to sleep. She is selfish when it comes to comfortability. She is especially selfish when it comes to her bed. Ah, but Jesus is not. So this is where I hear His voice again. And it's loud and clear again...

"You only love because I first loved you."

First John 4:19

One day I will WAIT...

“I live with the reality that God JUST MIGHT want me to be single my whole life,” I said to five college girls, all who are single. I hope you don’t hear sarcasm in my statement because it isn’t there. That was a real statement. So real, that it was responded to like this…

“If God don’t bring me a husband, I will have to find one myself.” The gasps from the girls around her could have been heard inside the Arby’s next door. How could she say such a thing? Would she really try to thwart God’s plan like that? That is SO not a church thing to say. It was like I could hear their thoughts. Upon seeing the reaction of her peers, her face changed. She knew that she had obviously said something wrong. Until I jumped back into the conversation by stating, “Oh please. She just said out loud what all of us have thought. And most of us have acted on.” Their faces changed, as did their thoughts – I’m sure- because the conversation took a turn. The other four girls clearly meant no harm. The gasps probably would have been anyone's reaction to such a bold statement. But I'm glad this conversation happened, because it caused me to ponder... 

We don’t admit it as bluntly as this girl did, no “good” Christian would, but we certainly act on it. Every time we manipulate our schedule or the schedule of someone else so that we ‘bump’ into them… every time we throw out sly comments beefing up our resume because we are around just the right people … Every time we stress ourselves out over finances, and skip tithe this month because we just can’t afford it. We might as well just come out and say it, “If God don’t bring me a _____________, I will have to find it myself.” You fill in the blank.

So what do we do in the mean time? Maybe you thought you would have a husband or wife by now. Maybe you thought you would have kids by now. Maybe some of you thought you would be more financially secure by now. Maybe you thought you would have moved to another city, or gotten that promotion, or maybe you thought you would be retired and ‘sitting pretty’ by now. But God just didn’t deliver the way you thought He should. Well, speaking of the church answer- I could choose to believe the default answer that well-meaning people give which is, “Honey, God will bring you a ______ in His time. And His timing is perfect.” Although they are correct, what am I supposed to do until then? What do we do …while we wait?

Those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who wait on the LORD will inherit the land. 

Psalm 37:9

Pause there.

I think we have this misconception that waiting for God’s perfect timing on __(your fill in the blank)__ means that our life starts once we get it. Oh, how wrong we are. One of my favorite pastor’s used this illustration one time… Look at it like this:

He said one time he went to his favorite upscale restaurant. The service there was fantastic. Anytime he even thought about needing something, there was the waiter holding it. If he started to need butter, there was the server with… butter. If he needed splenda, there was the server with… splenda. He said that restaurant was nothing like his other favorite restaurant, Waffle House. At Waffle House, the same person does everything. Takes your order, yells it out, cooks it, cleans tables, and the bathroom, and serves your food. If you need butter, you ask fourteen times before you get it. He said that our response to God should look like the server at the first restaurant.

So, we ask what we are supposed to do while we wait? It looks to me, that we wait. We wait on the Lord like the server at the first restaurant waited on my favorite pastor. Oh, you need a missionary, God? Great! Send me while I wait for a husband. What’s that God, you want me to talk to that co-worker about you today? Done, while I wait for that promotion. Can I get you anything else, God? Can I do anything else for you today – or the rest of my life?

When we can STOP trying to fill in our own blanks, but instead wait on the Lord and his perfect timing, because it is so perfect, then we can fully experience the waiting period the way He wants us to.

Read these scriptures again. This time with the mindset of waiting for the Lord isn’t really what we call waiting, but instead …  serving.  

Those who wait on the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who wait on the LORD will inherit the land. 

Psalm 37:9
________________________________________________________________________________

On another note, these sweet babies are angels. God assigned them to me and I believe that with all my heart. Why close a door that THE God of the Universe has opened, I always say :)

I caught them watching Beauty and the Beast 

Brian has my heart 

Sweet Asia 

Brian was too afraid of the puppy to let anyone put him down. 

Which is okay, because we can't get enough of holding him :)

MeKayla wanted to help cook

This was, obviously, before we got him strapped in good. This silly thing is a mess. 

Clear the Stage...

My feelings tonight can be wrapped up in a song by Ross King: 

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure that it takes to crush the idols.

Chuck the pews and all the decorations too 

Until the congregations few then have revival.

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends 

until you're broken for your sins you can't be social.

Then seek the Lord and wait for what he has in store 

and know that great is your reward and just be hopeful

Cause you can sing all you want to.

Yes you can sing all you want to

you can sing all you want to

And don't get me wrong, worship is more than a song.

Take a break from all the plans that you made 

And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper.

Beg Him please to open up his mouth and speak 

And pray for real upon your knees until they blister.

Shine the light on every corner of your life 

Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.

Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard 

Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken.

Cause you can sing all you want to.

Yes you can sing all you want to

you can sing all you want to

And don't get me wrong, worship is more than a song.

Anything I put before my God is an idol.

Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.

Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol.

Anything that I give all my love is an idol.

We must not worship something that's not even worth it.

Clear the stage and make some space for the one who deserves it.

Cause I can sing all I want to.

Yes I can sing all I want to

I can sing all I want to

And still get it wrong, worship is more than a song.

And you can sing all you want to.

Yes you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want, and still get it wrong.

Worship is more than a song. 

One Day I Will Love and Serve ...

"I don't know where my next meal is going to come from. The worst part about it is that don't have a family to fall back on. But, the Lord is providing."


I watched her as tears of fear flooded her face. As she talked about her "family" and their lack of support, I heard the doubt in her voice. Her mom is clearly not a believer and it shows in her fruit production. In the following ten or fifteen minutes, myself and Emily listened to her pour out her worry and concern for her own well-being, yet it was always followed with statements like, "... but I know the Lord is teaching me through this," and "He is going to pull me out of it, I know He is because He is faithful." Some may argue that if she had true faith, those statements would trump her worry. To those people, I would say, "Let me know when you get where she is." We can talk all day and night about our own faith and what we would do if we were her or someone like her, and when we are done, we will walk to our refrigerator and choose from an array of snacks. 


It broke me when she said that. The thing about the family. Sure, I have bounced a check or two (or fifteen) in my time, and as a college student, there were nights that I ate cereal when I preferred Long Horn's. "I can't... I'm so broke," seemed to be a popular response during those days, YET I have NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE to not have Mom and Dad there at the the end of the day. NO IDEA. So to watch my sister-in-Christ stand before me with so much uncertainty, so much fear, and tears streaming down - uncontrollably at times - it broke me. Through those few moments and the events to come, God taught me so many life lessons... in one night.
Immediately, scripture from the sermon I'd just heard consumed my thoughts. The third chapter of First John.

If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:17-20 

Apart from my friend and her situation, I had my own questions. Questions that I may have asked before but never gave much thought to, so those were old questions. But there were new questions, new curiosity, new revelations ... and I did not like them very much. My thoughts started like this:

Why is her story so different from mine?

Why do I get a family and a meal and college degree and a job ... but she don't?

Why do I even get to live in this country for that matter?

Why do I get life ... when others lose it so young .. ?

I want to leave. I want to leave and serve a country who has more need than I can ever imagine. I want to leave this room, I want to leave this building, I want to leave this conversation because I don't think my heart can take anymore of these thoughts. 

Then they turned to this:

Oh, my child. You want to leave this conversation and this room and this building and go where? To another country with more need than you can image? Look at the need I've put before you. Look at the people with whom I have surrounded you. You can't wait to leave and serve and the reason you aren't serving is because you are in America but LOOK. AROUND. YOU. You think you can't serve here? This girl? 

You see, in the few seconds that all these thoughts took over, the Lord put people on my mind as if it were a picture slide show in my head. That family member who may or may not be a believer. That co-worker. That friend. Their pictures were there and our sovereign God whispered, "Serve here." Did that change my desire to go to all the nations? Absolutely not. Did it change my longing for children in Peru and people in the jungles of Ecuador? Absolutely not. Do I still want to go and am I still going to go? Absolutely. But I learned a very important lesson that night - one that I thought I already knew. 

We are here to serve our God. We are here to exalt Him and glorify Him in ALL that we do. ("So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31) I can do that when I go to the ends of the earth, and I can do that here. Right here in the United States of America. I can serve and love - and that is all that is required of me. A God, big enough to create you and me and everything we can see and can't see - A God, big enough to divinely appoint all my "happenings" -  A God, big enough to sacrifice His Son to die and pay a debt that I could not pay .... requires me to love and serve. 

Through the Holy Spirit, and only through Him, I think I can handle that. Yeah, I can love and serve. :)

One Day I Will Love...

Sometimes I don't know how to respond to people.

There are those people who, upon finding out about your faith and/or commitment to ministry, only want to talk to you about religious stuff. They want to appear knowledgeable, but it's transparent. They say things like "I really enjoyed that preacher's sermon the other day" ... and ... "Oh, that old song is about Jesus. You must have heard it" .... assuming you have read/watched/and talked about everything that has anything to do with God/heaven/bible/church.

I do not know how to respond to these people.

Then there are those people who, upon finding out about your faith and/or commitment to ministry, obnoxiously say every worldly thing they can in hopes of possibly getting a reaction. They purposely say things they know you will not agree with, and when you don't acknowledge it, because of course you won't, they repeat it. Even louder the second time. Looking directly at you. Almost as if to say, "I'm saying this again so you will acknowledge me." They might as well just say that anyway.

I do not know how to respond to these people.

If there was one thing I learned this summer, it was love. I didn't teach a bible study on love and I didn't read commentaries on 1 Corinthians 13. I learned through circumstances and God's subtle life lessons.  I learned about loving unconditionally (as much as a human can) - I learned about loving unlovable people - I learned about being loved - I learned about teaching love to others - and I learned not being loved. I learned about showing love and not showing love and expecting love and stubborn love and lovable love and playful love and sacrificial love and a God who became flesh to express love on a cross. Love is not an easy thing to learn. Some may disagree, and that's ok. But love, real love, does not stop. And when people obnoxiously say things to get under your skin... or when someone hurts you... or someone offers a casual comment about a God that you adore... it is hard to love.

So, while all those emotions and circumstances are very real, and our reactions to hurt and pain may sometimes be very justified by flesh... one thing remains true. We are commanded to love. Not suggested, or given the option to.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

I have certainly not perfected love, and I need this reminder often, but as believers we are commanded to live at peace with one another as much as it is under our control. Even if that means me shutting my mouth, or you shutting yours. Even if it means not repeating things that do not edify the church body. Even if it means forgetting about selfish desires and serving others when you think you cannot go any more. I may not be able to control the unlovable person or the one who hurt me. I may not be able to control their words and actions but I can absolutely control mine.

Lord, continue to show me how to love people. Despite the circumstances. Despite their actions or mine. Teach me how to love, that I may show a little bit more of You everyday.

One day I will go...

I should probably start this post with a disclosure. First of all, the thoughts to follow are just as scrambled and out of place on here as they are in my mind - so bare with me. Secondly, this is me being very transparent with you. And yes, I am nervous about what you might think. 

"I was in corporate-America... and I was dying in it. Ash, you're right. There is more. When God says go, you don't ask why." My precious friend Sallie called to talk to me about my previous blog posts. Such an encouragement, that girl is. I missed her this summer - I long for Friday when I get to hear what God did in her life during the days I was not in Hattiesburg. She wants to hear about my summer too - she has no idea what she's in for :) Myself, Sallie and our precious Nunu....

I'll be honest. I don't know the word to describe what I am right now, the way I feel, or the things I think about. "Confused" isn't the word, neither is "torn." Maybe it's "waiting" .... "impatiently waiting" would likely be more suitable. Let me explain. Since the day I told Laura I couldn't go to Haiti with her, I have regretted it. Regretted isn't the right word there. I'm not unhappy with my life right now at all. I guess I should put it like this: the desire to "go" has not left me. However, the desire to be the hands and feet of Jesus and the desire to serve and the desire to stretch myself and the desire to need Him ... have only gotten stronger. 

Perhaps I'm wrong on this one, but I don't feel like I need God here. Now before you freak out, notice I did not say that I don't need God. I said, "I don't feel like I need God here." (I could do a whole new post on our feelings)  If I am hungry, I walk to  my refrigerator and choose from an abundance of fruits, meats, and vegetables. Or I walk to my car and drive to the nearest fast-food restaurant. If I am tired, I walk to my queen-size bed in my private bedroom and I go to sleep. If it rains, I stay inside. If it is cold I turn on the heater and if it is hot I turn on the air conditioner. If I am dirty I take a warm shower. When I am bored I watch TV or grab my computer. When I'm empty I read my bible and work on my current bible study. When I feel fat I go to the gym and when I feel skinny I go to Coldstone. I don't feel like I need God here. 

Am I begging to lose my comforts? Am I really asking God for a change that proves my need for Him? Am I crazy? Maybe so. If moving, or going, or staying, or waiting ... is what I have to do to (1) serve God and (2) recognize my TRUE need for Him, then call me crazy.... but I'm down.

Now, I know that I need Him. Oh boy, do I need Him every single day. But for whatever reason, He has given me a desire to watch Him do things that I would love to do but cannot. I read a clip from Katie Davis' blog today. (Look her up if you don't know who she is) She lives in Uganda with several adopted children of her own. She is single and she is 21 years old. She is amazing. She took in the crazy drunk man down the street and for an extended time, shared Jesus with him. He is now three months sober. That does not make sense. That cannot be explained by Katie. She had nothing to do with this man's restoration. A crazy drunk Uganda native gets taken in by a young white American girl, is nursed back to health, physically and emotionally, comes to know the Lord and is now back on his own. Katie did not do that. God did. Those are the things I desire to see. Those are the ways I desire to be used.

Here is the sticky part. And this is where I am afraid of your judgmental thoughts:

I have no idea what I am doing. I have no direction. Most people I talk to who have a heart for missions have one thing in common: the Lord has placed a specific people group on their hearts and they have a burning passion for those people. I, however, have not been so fortunate. I pray about this often. Today, this is what I said:

Father, I have no idea where to go. I have no idea when to go there. I don't even know if I am supposed to go. But I know that you are bigger than all my questions. You have given me this desire to go and do Your works. To take your name to all the nations.I don't know why there is not a certain country or people group on my mind and in my heart. But there isn't. So Lord, if in fact I am supposed to go to the ends of the earth, I beg you to show that to me. Open doors, close doors ... show me opportunities and let me walk through it boldly. Let me rest in your presence and let me drown out the voices trying to stop me. Let me hear Your voice, Father. Only Yours. 

Is it possible that God has not put a certain place on my heart because He is giving me freedoms to choose? Yes. It is possible that I learned all those years of Spanish because He is going to send me to Central or South America? Yes. Is it possible that He is going to tell me to sit right here in the United States of America and make His glory known? Absolutely.

Won't you pray this with me? Won't you pray that regardless the call, I will hear it clearly and respond obediently?

After all, Sallie said it well. "When God says go, you don't ask why."

One day I will rest...

Rest. Peace. Relax. Break. Stillness. 


I never was good at grammar, or spelling. Wikipedia tells us that rest has several definitions depending on how you use it and what you are talking about. During this blog, we are going to consider "rest" as an action. It seems funny, in my head, to think of the word "rest" as an action because when I want to rest, action is the last thing I want to do. If you tell me to rest, I want to sit or lay, not think or talk or do. Certainly not act. No action. 


The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28


In Exodus 33 we see Moses' concern because the Lord has commanded him to do great things. To lead a group of people in a way that Moses is clueless about. Certainly anxiety flowed as he began to question our God. (Does that sound familiar to anyone?)  - Moses said to the LORD, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people. (Exodus 33:12-13) 


I can imagine the look on Moses' face when the Lord responded with "My presence will be with you, and I will give you rest." 


Jesus' powerful words in Matthew sound like alarms in my head every time I agree to rest, but instead try to act. 


I want more. I want more than my corporate-American job, my "luxury-living" apartment, and surface level commitment to the amazing ministries and people who surround me. I want to get my hands dirty and I want to see His power. I want to witness things happen that cannot be explained by human power. I want Him to use me the way He did Moses. Even through my selfish hesitations and anxious questions.   I want His presence to go with me and I want Him to give me rest. 


In my last post, when I talked about the cold and hard truth I learned this summer, it was about this action: rest. When I said we live with an anticipative attitude, this is what I meant:


When things are going well for us, we almost can't enjoy it because we know that a storm is coming. When we are in a storm, we beg the Lord to "hurry up and get us through it." - This summer, I had storms. Several. One after the other. I remember telling my friend Chase, "I couldn't finish one battle without another one starting." I remember a specific prayer that went something like this:

Lord, I know that you are teaching me something through this. I know that you are a jealous God and that I have been distracted, and You are therefore removing those distractions and making me focus on You. So please Lord, get me through this. I have tried everything I know to do and I literally do not know what to do anymore.

Before I could say anymore, He whispered, "Finally. You realize you don't know what else to do, so you're going to let me handle this one? Rest in me." I was standing in front of my bathroom counter when I almost tripped over my own feet trying to get to my phone to call Laura. She didn't answer but almost immediately called me back. "Laura, I'm such an idiot. How did I not realize this sooner," I said. I can't remember, but she likely laughed because we did that a lot. She asked what I was talking about, although she already had an idea due to the countless hours we spent on the phone trying to solve all the world's problems. (We were 5 hours apart but only a phone call away... thank goodness.) I explained: 


"This is hard. All the challenges here, good and bad. Losing the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The reality that I have to leave my summer family in a few days. The uncertainty of what I am going home to. It's all very heavy. And I keep asking God to 'hurry up' and get me through it.... (I know the Word and I believe it. I knew that God was going to get me through it and be with me on the other side. But I impatiently waited for that time to come.) ... but something occurred to me this morning. HE ISN'T GOING TO RUSH ME THROUGH IT." I heard the smile in Laura's voice when she said, "That's right, Ashli. That's good." 


Let me explain what I meant. Every single day is a learning day. Another opportunity for God's mercies to be made new, another day for His glory to be known. Another day for Him to teach us something new or remind us of something we forgot. Until that morning in front of my bathroom counter, I had forgotten the point of exactly what I had just prayed. That He is a jealous God and that He was teaching me something. Why rush through that?
Why "hurry up" and get through a time in which the Holy Spirit is drawing me to the lap of my Savior, to crawl into and rest? Drawing me to the ONLY place I can find rest. Why hurry through a process of refining me and bringing me back to my first love? (Revelation 2) 


This truth rings like alarms in my head today as I wonder if I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. I hear Him whisper, "Finally... you're going to let me do this one." 


That day in Natchez, MS standing in front of my bathroom sink, He taught me something I hope I never forget: rest. Every single day, rest. In the storm, rest - and know that He is working all things together for my good. (Romans 8:28)  In the sunshine, rest - and know that even if a storm is coming, I will rest during it. Through the refining moments, rest. When I 'literally do not know what else to do,' stop... and rest. 


Pray with me, for rest today. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

One day I will blog...

One day I will blog, and it will be something like this:

Maybe I decided to blog because I like the idea of possibly sharing my life with people one day. Maybe I did so because I was inspired by other bloggers. One thing is for sure, I did NOT decide to blog because I was bored or needed something to fill my free time. Free time is something that comes few and far between these days.

Regardless, my prayer is that someone, through this blog, will:
-be able to relate
-be inspired
-decide to follow Jesus

I suppose there are some basics you should know about me. My name is Ashli, clearly. And as I type this I am 24 years old - however in a couple of months I will be 25 ... and that scares the poop out of me.
I have recently graduated college have started a new job in my home town. I have one sister and two loving parents who I would not trade the whole world for.

There are some people you need to become familiar with because I will use their names a lot here.
- Jaime,  for one. She is my mentor and she is incredible. Always, and I'm not exaggerating, has a word for me- and most of the time I think it's from the Lord. Her husband is Joe and her daughters are Hannah Ruth and Ali.

- Laura, for two. She was my roommate for the past year and a very dear friend of mine. She has recently obeyed the Lord's calling her to serve in Haiti. I cannot express how much I miss her and I will probably talk about her a whole bunch.

- thePOINT is the college ministry I am involved in at my church. I help plan events and do whatever they tell/need me to do :)

- Katie is a new friend of mine. She is younger than me but I like to think of her as a mini me :) While our lives have been very different, our personalities are not. We are very much alike and she is joy to be around. You will read about her often.

- Mary Katherine and Morgan are my current roommates so there will be stories of them from time to time.
- Rachel is one of my best friends who is planning to marry her best friend on March 17, 2012. I am a bridesmaid, of course :)

You may be wondering why I chose to call this blog "One day..." so I will tell you. I feel like we live in an anticipative way. Almost always anxious for the next thing to come, even if we don't realize. Even if it is subconsciously, we tend to think in future tense. "One day we will build our own house... one day I will get a degree... one day I will go back to school ... one day we will start trying to have kids ... one day I will meet the love of my life... one day I will go on that mission trip"  and the list goes on and on.

However, this summer I was faced with the cold hard truth that God wants us to SOAK UP  the exact season He has us in. Trust me, it was cold and it was hard. Have you ever heard the cliche saying "If God brings you to it He will bring you through it" or "God won't give you something you can't handle" ..?? While borderline cheezy, these cliches are true. Sure I have been through my fair share of storms that at some points I thought I could not make it through another day of. But I obviously did because I am here to write about it.

When I was younger, my "one day's" were things like: a lot of money, a big house, a great husband, being a housewife, several kids, boats, 4-wheelers, etc... As I have gotten older, the sad truth is that those desires have remained. However, my story does not begin there. It does not begin when I was born. It doesn't even begin with where I grew up in church or the date that I decided to repeat some prayer after a pastor. My story started   about a year and a half ago. And that is where my "one day's" changed.

Through a series of events which led to God stripping me of what I thought was my identity, He drew me to Him in a way that was irresistible to even the 'strongest of sinners.'  I jokingly say that I had no choice but to turn to Him because He was the only thing left of me. But now I can see His hand in adding people to my life on HIS timing. (We will talk more about that later) This was when I began to seek Him and His Word. I was studying my bible all the time. "I have so much God in my life, I don't have time for anything else," I once told Jaime. She laughed and said "That's a good thing, Ashli."
God put her in my life at the perfect time. I MUST stop here and tell you how He did that.

I worked at a gym in Oak Grove for about two years where both Joe and Jaime worked as well. I knew Joe because he trained me a few times and I knew their daughter Hannah because I worked in the Kids Zone some. I knew Jaime because she worked with Valerie, our nutrionist, but that was the extent of the relationship. One day after work, Jaime came to me and said "I was wondering if you and Rachel wanted to start getting together once a week and talking about the bible and stuff. It doesn't have to be anything formal, we can meet at Starbucks or something." Of course I responded with "ABSOLUTELY!" Jaime began to explain that God had put myself, Rachel and another girl we worked with on her heart to talk to us about singleness. I will never forget she said, "Just wait til you hear my story." As far as Jaime knew, I was still in a serious relationship with a guy who's life did not honor the Lord, nor did our relationship. It was a very dark time of my life and I was only beginning to see the light out. Anyway, Jaime was just following the Lord's lead to meet with us. Surprisingly to her, she found out later in the conversation that I had just gotten out of that relationship and was in fact, single.

We began to meet weekly, sometimes more than once, and the rest is history. I learned a lot from her (I still do) and she always says that God has me in fast-forward. I'm beginning to agree. For whatever reason, the Lord shows, teaches, and puts me through things that a lot of people do not experience in years.

At this point in my life, I began to think that "One day... I would have a godly boyfriend." The more we studied singleness and that it truly is a gift, it turned into "One... I will have a husband. A godly one."

This is where we will leave off for now. It's a good start, I think.

Oh boy, has God since changed my heart...