Let me preface this post by saying that I do not support this "prosperity gospel" I so often hear preached by Christians who, I really do hope, mean well. We can go circles around the theology of it all OR we can just settle in on this: I've been to too many countries and seen too many people living with nothing - yet having more faith than many of the people I know preaching this idea. They have zero material things that we would term "blessings" yet they praise God with a fierceness. So if, according to this doctrine, strong faith = financial blessings, these people aren't getting it right. Something inside of me just won't let me believe that my love relationship with Jesus is conditional. If, I pray/have faith/give to a certain religious institution/etc. then, God will bless me financially. I just can't quite buy into that.
With that said, let me continue this post with you knowing where I stand on the sovereignty of God and the belief that He will have His way, regardless.
________________________________________________________________________
Let's begin.
It's been kind of tight around here lately. And by kinda tight, I mean extremely tight.
My two roommates just moved out and I've acquired about $250 extra each month covering their part of the rent and bills.
Alonso is not working right now because we need him to finish school before we move to the States to get married. On top of that, he's devoting much of his time to ministry.
I don't have a paid position at the school in which I teach so it's just me, Jesus and those of you who support me financially. (Thank you so much, by the way. You're amazing.)
My stressful thoughts about money were affecting the rest of my life, the most concerning part being my relationship with Alonso. One night we were walking home and I told him, "When I was in college I learned in a class that the number one reason for divorce in America is financial stress. I don't doubt it one bit. I can totally see how that happens to people." You're probably thinking, "Geez what a great way to start a fresh engagement, Ashli!" But just hang with me, it gets better.
Worried about groceries and and budgets and finding ways to cut costs, I kept telling God this one line. All throughout the day or night, any time I thought about it I just said it. Sometimes in my head and other times out loud.
"God, please provide. Please give us what we need."
In the shower I would beg Him to take care of us. Walking to the bus stop I would remind Him how bad we needed Him to come through. Sitting in my classroom waiting for my students to arrive I would be all, "So God? I need You to figure out a way to help us."
To read the second part to this blog series, click here.
No comments:
Post a Comment