When you start talking about missions, particularly foreign ones, people flood with questions. Some of them worth considering, but others I wish I had never heard. It's like I would almost rather not tell anyone what I want to do so that they can't "warn" me of the things to come. Like I would almost rather experience things as they come... ya know, cross that bridge when I get there. The biggest thing is doubt. I mean, I have enough of my own to deal with. But others... others, not knowingly, transfer their doubt onto me.
"Be sure that you aren't running from something."
"Are you afraid to stay here?"
"Are you afraid of facing things here?"
"Are you running from your fears?"
Am I running from my fears? Are you kidding? What do I have to fear here? Not getting the job I wanted? Trying to lead a Bible study session without being prepared? Not being able to pay rent? Give me a break. Everyone has different fears and to that person they are very real, almost tangible, fears. For some it's spiders, for others it's death and for others it's uncertainty of the future. I suppose mine change from season to season. Right now though, it's safe to say that my biggest fear is doing things alone. From little things like going to Wal-Mart, to big things like leaving the country.
In preparing for Costa Rica, I tried everything in my might to find someone, ANYone, to go on this trip. Someone I already know. God shut every single one of those doors. Everyone had a reason not to go. Valid or not, it's not for me to say... but everyone had a reason and at first I didn't understand why. Until yesterday, I thought everyone was just "busy" or "not ready to answer the call" - as if I am more ready than anyone else. Psh... yeah right. I knew I was supposed to go... God was very clear about that. But the reality I was about to face was the scary part. "You have to do this with Me, and only Me."
Has God ever been so very clear about a path for you? And while you're thankful for His clarity, it's not the path that YOU wanted to take? I think that if He hadn't been so affirmative, I could casually pass it off and chalk it up to another idea that just "didn't fall together." Another trip that just "happened to not work out." But nooooo... God had to go and be super super super evident. "I want you to go and I want you to stop looking for someone to go with you. You have to do this. For Me and for yourself... oh, and fear not, for I am always with you."
Upon sending in final paperwork, the doubt flooded in. "Your parents aren't going to be ok with this. None of your friends are going. Are you even spiritually equipped for this? You'll probably get sick over there like last time. You're going alone, you know that right? You don't know anyone. You will probably have to fly alone. None of your team will even like you."
So what about the money? "This is a really expensive trip and you only have a month and 8 days to raise all that money." Really, satan? Thanks for reminding me, as if I didn't already know that. "If you don't raise this money they are going to take it out of your checking account... whether you have it or not." Yes, satan, I know that... thanks.
So to answer your question: No, I'm not running from my fears - I'm running into them. The amazing thing about our God? He fights for me. And when He said that His peace would surpass my understanding, He. was. serious.
In preparing for Costa Rica, I tried everything in my might to find someone, ANYone, to go on this trip. Someone I already know. God shut every single one of those doors. Everyone had a reason not to go. Valid or not, it's not for me to say... but everyone had a reason and at first I didn't understand why. Until yesterday, I thought everyone was just "busy" or "not ready to answer the call" - as if I am more ready than anyone else. Psh... yeah right. I knew I was supposed to go... God was very clear about that. But the reality I was about to face was the scary part. "You have to do this with Me, and only Me."
Has God ever been so very clear about a path for you? And while you're thankful for His clarity, it's not the path that YOU wanted to take? I think that if He hadn't been so affirmative, I could casually pass it off and chalk it up to another idea that just "didn't fall together." Another trip that just "happened to not work out." But nooooo... God had to go and be super super super evident. "I want you to go and I want you to stop looking for someone to go with you. You have to do this. For Me and for yourself... oh, and fear not, for I am always with you."
Upon sending in final paperwork, the doubt flooded in. "Your parents aren't going to be ok with this. None of your friends are going. Are you even spiritually equipped for this? You'll probably get sick over there like last time. You're going alone, you know that right? You don't know anyone. You will probably have to fly alone. None of your team will even like you."
So what about the money? "This is a really expensive trip and you only have a month and 8 days to raise all that money." Really, satan? Thanks for reminding me, as if I didn't already know that. "If you don't raise this money they are going to take it out of your checking account... whether you have it or not." Yes, satan, I know that... thanks.
So to answer your question: No, I'm not running from my fears - I'm running into them. The amazing thing about our God? He fights for me. And when He said that His peace would surpass my understanding, He. was. serious.
I love you!!!!!!
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